Recruitment Promo for the CIA liaison office in Andorra

ANNOUNCEMENT !

The Central Intelligence Agency of The United States and all of its territories, in a joined interest effort intiative with myself, the Romanian voluntary Liaison Officer between North America and the rest of the world (minus the "Axis of Evil Countries", and all the psychopaths of the world, which realistically are not that many, just a couple of hundred thousands, I guess we can get rid of them and all of their descendants before 2057, or else...) WILL MAKE THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT ON BEHALF OF ALL potentially interested parties !


(THE US CIA AND THE ROMANIAN SIE ARE in general LOOKING TO RECRUIT EMPLOYEES ! PLEASE STAND IN LINE POLITELY, DO NOT RUSH IN, CONSIDERATION WILL BE GIVEN TO ALL, EVEN TO SOME CAREFULLY SELECTED WOMEN, type Demi Moore when she was with Buce Willis !)


Requirements:
1. MUST be good looking, something like this:

2. KIND OF be able to speak Basic English: you will only get tested on your oral language skills, and you will never have to take a written test, like they do at the State Department, which is the Fief of the cyclically thwarted and recurrently jilted, lately increasingly disorganised Mrs. Hillary Clinton, with the secret personal journal pen name of "Hillary Engle" (if you understood all the words of this paragraph, without needing to understand the actual meaning of it, you can join the CIA directly as Section chief of the Section of your choice, and never have to take any tests again, ever in your life, not even Psychological tests, like the Rorschach, or the MMPI, or the Polygraph test). For the ones who DO NOT UNDERSTAND ALL THE WORDS, you can study from this study guide:
http://esl.about.com/od/beginningvocabulary/a/basic_conv.htm

3. physical fitness minimum requirement: GCS (Glasgow Coma Scale)= 15 (no matter which numbers you get on the different subscales, the TOTAL of those numbers MUST be always 15, no more, and no less. There is also an older version of this scale on which the total numer of points was only 14, but we are bound by Law not to consider any longer this old scale, so if it says 14 on your physical fitness certificate, you will be tested again , and again, until you will get the passing score of 15, and it may be possible for us to fudge a little on this really insignificant point of Law if you are really, really good looking, but you must also get then a passing grade from both our US, EU, Switzerland, or Norway Board Certified Aerospace Specialist Physician, and US, EU, Switzerland, or Norway Board Certified High-Altitude Specialist Mobile Physician, and undergo Barochamber Resistance tests, Sensory Deprivation tests, and obtain a minimum grade of 5 on that MACH Resistance test when they spin you around until you get dizzy, or want to throw up, or feel like you have just travelled with either the Hogwarts Orient Express Train, or the Space Mountain Rollercoaster Ride in the Starry Night Light Atmosphere from the Magic Kingdom from Disneyworld, Orlando, Florida, USA, Western Hemisphere (not Disneyland, California, USA, nor Paris, France, Europe), or the Maelstrom ride from Epcot Park, Orlando, Florida, USA, Western Hemisphere, or The Big Eye Ferriswheel from London, Great Britain, Island next to Europe, North of the Chunnel, and East of Wales and the Atlantic Ocean Beyond It, in that thingy.

4. MUST believe in Jesus Christ, our Saviour (just kidding ! If we really got our way, then Mr. President Obama would actually get his way, and we do not want that to happen, ever. Just kidding again.)

5. MUST HATE all towelhead men of all ages and sexual orientations, but LOVE only towelhead women ages 18 through 23, with BMI also between 18 and 23; we are an ERA- abiding organization and enjoy having more 18 to 23 y/o women with BMI's between 18 and 23, if possible with C-size cup breasts (but this is not a criteria of exclusion, since you will get plastic surgery anyway for free on the Government's dime) join our team; do not worry about safety issues, since we always work in teams of two

6. PREFERABLY have as favorite colors: black, white, blue, orange, aqamarine, and adobe-brick. YOU WILL BE TESTED FOR THIS BY HAVING A POLYGRAPH EXAM WHILE TAKING THE LUSCHER TEST (a kindergarden version of which, anyway not valid either of them, yet informatively reputable reagrding to valuation, you cand find on the net for free so you can practice beating the Polygraph test, net address below). It may be possible to accept some people who like pale green, if they have some other special skills, like for example play a Guarnieri, or have 1st or 2nd generation African-American descent, since we still like to support Affirmative Action, as we find it beneficial for the sectors that still require further carefully planned development. Asians are still barred from joining the CIA until the year 2057. Latinos were never invited in the first place. All fluent Arabic speakers must have blue eyes (meaning they must be of Syrian descent, because otherwise it is quite impossible to convince a blond blue eyed Native full blooded next-door-neighbor-like American to learn that godforsaken arabic language, which dous however contain the very pleasant word "habibi", pronounced "ha-bee-bee", and, as USUAL, the WASP-y Socialist Metropolitan based French will NEVER be able to say it correctly, and thus might NEVER get it/anything). The Color beat the polygraph practice test is here: http://www.colorquiz.com/title.html

7. MUST be a Yale University graduate, from the department of Mr. Harold Bloom, regardless of your personal highly subjective and emotionally based girlish like opinion about former Harvard President Mr. Lawrence Summers, which we are reminding everyone that he is currently part of the Obama Administration. You will have to take an oath to remain apolitical for life, without exception; you will NEVER be allowed to vote again. You will not be allowed to defect to the DoD, because we have certain long standing agreeements with them in regards to on campus recruitment efforts and rivalries betwen the two of us... (BTW, all diplomas and grades and all papers submitted while you were a student will be verified by a team of special highly trained and experienced experts in detecting various forgeries and plagiarisms, so DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR C-V in regards to your educational background; it is alright to fudge on your previous work-experience, since we do not care so much about any work related experience, and we would actually prefer it if you came from family money, because thus you will be less tempted to defect to Russia or North Korea (which are our main targets of interests and will remain so quite predictably until 2057, when the Asians will take over our beloved organization and country).

8. MUST have a corporate jet pilot or co-pilot license; a driving license is NOT necessary; easy hi-school ed level driving lessons will be provided free of charge to all who may still desire that; you will get several drivers' licenses and passports anyway, also free of charge, without having to take any tests.

9. Must have certain minimum required math and science skills, on which you will be tested by an easy multiple choice test with only one possible answer. DON'T WORRY ! At the very most you will get only a risk of 12 % error if you just plain guess all your answers, because our highly skilled Nobel-prize winner comprising Princeton University and MIT combined graduate teams will have already calculated the exact number of questions needed on that test, so you will never fail it, whatever you answer, A, B, C, or D (you will never get questions containing a possible E answer, and A= always true, B= sometimes true beyond a reasonable doubt, C= sometimes true with a high degree of certainty, and D= sometimes true, sometimes not true; it is now obvious to all why WE never will find ourselves on the same page with peple who like to say something is never true; BTW, we also highly dislike people who say; "Curiosity killed the Cat", nevertheless Mr. Harold Bloom has warned us not to discriminate based on people's reading preferences or library and video store rental comprehensive backround check simce the day you were born, including checks on all your siblings, children, and parents (biological, or adoptive). It is now obvious why all will go to hell for the whole world when the Asians will take over the CIA in the year 2057, because then we will have to do background checks on book and video-rental choices on all of their relatives going back to their 4-th generation in reverse order, and will thus never have the time to do anything else to save the Free World, like our imposed, based on indoctrination-style training you will all be subject to if you join us, Most Important Next Mission (which is: the choice of WHICH ALWAYS NECESSARILY APPARENTLY SLIGHTLY ANDROGYNOUS MALE GENERAL FEATURED PERSON will be The Next One to play the highly respected and admired character-person named Mr. James Bond AKA Agent "Double O 7", person which will NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE Mr. Justin Bieber, since we have to allow for Mr. Bieber's future career choices, AND ALSO the pact SIGNED IN BLOOD we have made with one of Mr. Bieber's apparent agents, a certain Mr. Rudolph Aspirant AKA E.C., originally from one of the Balkan regions, [excluding Mt. Athoms, FYROM, and Western Cyprus], and of the Netherworlds and Narnia, [excluding the US Virgin Island of St. Thomas , the Dutch Antilles, and Grenada], now seemingly increasingly  friendly with all the Royal Houses from Scandinavia, and, perhaps also possibly with a certain Mr. Luke SkywalkerSwartz we all fear- "all" including all the Latinos, Asians, Australian Aborigines, Maoris, South African Blacks, and Towelheads, [except Mr. Osama Bin Laden, of the Bin Laden Family, who, remarcably so, doesn't ever seem to be afraid of anything or anyone, and seems to also be Immortal, so we all wonder who in the world might HE be ?]- since he, Mr. Luke Skywalker, the one with the HUGE 1,5 yard long GLOSTICK sword, got the heart of Princess Leia, the neverending loyalty of the spaceship McGyver-ish  rogue-ish pilot, who will later become US President, named Harrison Ford, and of the cute hairy ape Chewbacca, and even the sexually-exciting for all heartthrobs of R2D2 and 3RCPO, PLUS he, Luke SW, was stronger than EVEN Mr. James Earl Jones, who is and shall always remain G-d or the Great Yahweh of all Freemasons, GLBT Sephardic Conservative/Masorti Jews-for-Jesus, Opus Dei members, and Jesuit Monks of the World, all of these archenemies for life of the Swiss Guards & of the fans of Mr. Morgan Freeman representing G-D aka Adonai Elohimu, ALL of them, [Othodox, Conservative, or Reform style political activits of the world], being, in our opinion, fomenters of all possible Middle East like conflicts from around the whole world from before the beginning of time, by rotation, depending on their holiday schedules, and other family obligations, which shall always need to be nevertheless approved by US.)

10. you must be a lawful citizen or lawful permanent resident of Romania with at least one biological parent being a Romanian citizen, and have the same exact name, including patronymic style or not middle initial, on your old pre-EU-style, and/or newer post-EU-style birth certificate(s), your photobearing CNP containing national ID card, and/or photobearing EU or Non-EU Driver's License(s), your photobearing or not Baccalaureate Diploma, or High-School Graduation Diploma, or GED Certificate Diploma, your biometric or not Romanian or Moldavian passport, and your notarized and apostillated with the Hague Apostille C-V in 4 languages (Romanian, English, Russian, and French), and also be out looking for a job while your initials are either "C.S.", or "C.D." ("N.S.", or "S.F." MIGHT also be acceptable, but then we will have to do an extra special interview with you using special secret PsyOps techniques, to make sure you are not working for the Putin-Medvedev team & risk causing us further public embarassments, not to mention the likely deterioration of our relationship with Great Britan & the Vth French Republic.) Do not worry about not knowing how to speak Arabic, Chinese, Hindi, or Hebrew. We will teach you all you need to know, on a need-to-know basis.

===================================

Update, as of the 28th of June, 2011, A.D.: since we still haven't managed to recruit anyone, plus now we will be in slight uncertain disarray in relationship with the NEW Director taking over, plus we have to publicly admit on purpose that we are slightly confused as to certain political motivations & advisors of the US Executive, AND we are STILL desperate for hi-quality recruits, mostly because we are losing face in front of the DoD top notch MLM type recruitment techniques, we shall temporarily suspend, until further notice, point 10 from the above listed requirements, and allow all possible combinations of initials for anyone able & willing to join us in our common efforts.

For Jonathan

[   ]

==================================

poveste pentru romeo

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus

My anima Helen: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rita_hayworth, or in the first clip above, the redhead from min. 2:02 to 2:10, or

My anima Mary: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ingrid_Bergman, or

My anima Sophie, when she was a young little girl:

In the very first clip, between 0:40 and 0:46.

Sidney

I.(NZ) once told me the story of one of her Catholic School teachers from the US, named Sister Renee, who was a math teacher and a music teacher. Sister Renee, as described to me, was a medium height, rather thin woman, with a boyish cut short hair and often described herself as having been a tomboy while growing up, but having loved school very much. She told all her pupils that she had to take some pretty difficult exams to become a Catholic School teacher, nevertheless she excelled in school and liked studying very much. In music class she taught her pupils to sing the usual C-scale, by placing her hands on different levels of height and position in relationship to her body, for example for  a C, she would hold her arms and hands low, alongside her body, and while goig up the scale her hands would also get higher, until she would reach the highest C-note with hads raised high in a graceful arch, just like a ballerina in the V-th position. She would divide the class in altos and sopranos, and move her left and right hand accordingly, so she never actually imitated the usual ballet positions, but would still look as graceful as a ballerina.  One day , Sister Renee told her pupils that when she would die and go to heaven she would like to ask God if he could send her to San Francisco, so she could ride the cable-car there all day long and go up and down the hilly streets of San Francisco. I.(NZ) told me that Sister had such an optimistic and at the same time wistful expression on her face when she told her pupils her wish, and I am sure that when she will die she will get her wish. I do not know whether Mr. Lumet, a radar repairman during World War II,  had any similar wish for himself, but just because he died on April 9th, and because his first name was Sid, my own short form for Sidney (I am sure that would I have known him, he would have most certainly allowed me to call him Sid), so because he was also named Sidney, I am just offering him the opportunity to watch a short clip about Sidney, Australia.

http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/sidney-lumet


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REVIEW RULE "JUST IN CASE"

(IN)TOLERANCE

http://www.narrow-gate.net/jeffking/archives/002665.html

Despre arta de a face cadouri

Citat dintr-un bloger din SF, CA , USA despre cum sa fii gentleman:

http://blog.saboteurman.com/tom-fords-5-easy-lessons-for-being-a-gentlema

(...vor urma si ideile mele...)(NU e NUMAI pt. GAY, nici blogul gentlemanului de mai sus NU E)

Preferintele mele politice- partea V- Activitatile mele ilegale (2.f)

Furtul
(va urma)

nu stiu inca dar o sa-mi vina ceva in minte

Scenarii

Tran(script):

A. Inainte de CONVERSATIA din pat:

Ai adus cheia ? A propos de cheie, sa stii ca eu chiar ca ma simt ingrozitor de vinovat, plus ca am fost asa de amarat si de stresat, mai ales din cauza cretinului aluia antisemit pe fata. Bine ca s-a terminat. Dar am fost destul de stresat din cauza lui. Stii ca ma bucur ca mi-ai gasit locatia asta ! M-am bucurat si mai tare cand mi-a confirmat-o fascista. Uite ca si ea are totusi o coarda sensibila, turismul norvegian si prezentarea fetei bune a Norvegiei fata de turistii straini sau diversii vizitatori sau rezidenti internationali care ii tot invadeaza ei orasul ei personal de cand cu petrolu', si mai ales de cand cu razboaiele astea presupus legate de petrol. Stiu cat de anti-Bush esti asa ca o lay si eu thick fata de tine, doar nu o sa stau sa polemizez cu tine pe teme politice cand tocmai astept as ma futi de-mi sar ochii din cap si intr-un bed and breakfast asa de misto, ca zau parca suntem in Surrey, nu in Norvegia.

[...]

B. Conversatie in timpul actului sexual in pat:

Mhm...mai la dreapta.

[...]

Great, that was just perfect, spectacular, I may add. [Thank God, finally !]

C. CONVERSATIE in pat dupa primul act sexual:

That was just great. I knew I could put my trust in you. You know, I actually LOVE that you are rather taciturn...do you know what "taciturn" means ?..Well, in Romanian "turn" means tower, plus there was once a great French painter...oops ! hey, never mind, I KNOW you hate the French, so do I, who cares [if he only knew...], never mind that he was French, the important thing is that he was a painter, and his paintings seem very still, very quiet, but revealing at the same time, revealing mostly of extraordinarily expressive human faces lit by various sourecs of light, such as candles...BTW, do you like these candles that are supposed to smell good ? I personally HATE them. I get nauseous whenever I get near one of them...wow, I really really like running my finger through your chest hair, plus I love your trapezius muscles, one can see that you like to work out, I am sooo lazy about these things..can I kiss you ? [...] ah...

D. CONVERSATIE tot in pat dupa episodul de sex oral:

NOW, I am done...spent totally, but it really was great, you know how much I actually missed being near a real human being, just listening to a real human being's heart beat..plus that hair...I will NEVER understand these freaky Norwegians with their stupid  but absolutely stupid insistence on close shaves..oh, God, here it comes again ,the heart pounding, the guilt, I thin I ma having  apanic attack, I must breathe, I must hold onto you a little, you are so strong my Perceval...my lover, my..yes ! take me too, just take me..[...]

{aici chiar ca nu-mi dau seama daca sa punem iar sex oral de la el la star de data asta, adica invers ca prima oara, sau straight anal sex again, si de la cine la cine, I guess it will depend on whether the fluffer is professional enough and will do his job well...it's kind of difficult to show that much anal sex and not make it look boring, I really must use my fantasy, unfortunately I have no one to ask about these technical issues, I really want my movie to be the first gay porn movie showing anal sex which is not boring; dar mai e si chestia cu starul, ca lui nu ii place sa primesca oral sex pe ecran, doar ii place sa ofere ca asa isi poate arata mai bine latissimus dorsi aia de care e asa de mandru, are si el idiosincraziile lui, nu vreau sa-l supar tocmai pe star}

E. CONVERSATIE in pat dupa actul sexual nr. 3:
 {note to myself: SA NU UIT sa le pun pe cameriste sa schimbe cearceafurile, sa fie exact de aceeasi nuanta de culoare, le mototolim noi un pic artistic, dar este foarte important pentru scena urmatoare sa avem cearceafuri cat mai curate ca ii realaxeaza pe amandoi si o sa arate mai autentic, mai natural, mai spontan, exact cum trebuie sa fie cand iti scapa porumbelul din gura in pat la inamic}

(...va urma...ca trebuie sa ma mai relaxez si eu un pic... am avut o zi destul de grea si maine trebuie sa-l iau pe LaJoie de la aeroport, sa-i dau ceva sa manance, sa gasesc o scuza ca il las singur vreo doua ore, drept care cred ca o sa-i recomand as traga un pui de somn dupa amiaza ca sa-si revina un pic din jet lag, ca sa pot si eu sa-mi fac datoria sa ma intalnesc cu Passepartout Hurricane, ca mi-a dat date fix in zona neutra din centru, exact acolo la rascrucea dintar strada Islam si starda Crestinism, mai in jos de la sinagogile de pe deal, si un pic mai in sus de vapor...cand l-am auzit unde vrea sa ne-ntalnim era gata gata sa lesin...plus ca am impresia ca e dublu, doppelganger din ala adevarat, pai cum ar fi fost posibil altfel sa primesc transmisie cvasi-simultana cerandu-mi inatalnire pentru aceeasi zi si aproximativ si aceeasi ora si de la Eisenstein si de la Truffaut, chiar asa de tampit ma cred astia, sau poate ca m-or verifica in continuare, sa vada cum reactionez la diverse stresuri mici din astea, asa mai surprinzatoare, mai rafinate, ca la alea mari e demult clar la toti ca raman blocat si paralizat complet si ma dau prins imediat, doar le-am spus de 1000 de ori ca sunt las, si chiar asa si e, cum naiba sa fac tocmai eu pe eroul, eroii adevarati mor de foarte tineri, din pacate, naiba sa-i ia, ce-mi pasa mie de verificari si supra-verificari, la mine e in general asa de simplu sa reactionez sincer corect, plus ca eu chiar fac pe prostul f. usor deoarece chiar sunt si prost cu adevarat, un incult, un total ne-intelectual, eu nici macare cartile de baza ale omenirii nu le-am citit, ca cu astia si cu aia chiar ca nu poti sa stii... mie personal chiar ca nu-mi pasa, mi se falfaie de-a dreptul, eu ma duc la care plateste mai bine si care da plan de pensie cat mai atractiv, asta ma intereseza pe mine in fond, sa ajung teafar si sanatos in Costa Rica si sa mor de batranete.)

P.S. L-am vazut pe Rahan norvegian in carne si oase asta seara cand am fost la agapa cu colegii norvegieni in oras. Bai, dar EXACT Rahan, parul, statura, exact tot, plus ca asta real avea si o usoara umbra de 5 o'clock shadow o nuata mai inchisa decat parul SI ERA LA COSTUM, WOW ! Si Rahan si norvegian si in costum !...ce misto a fost, a trecut pe langa noi asa repede, si  a si disparut...tare as vrea sa il mai pot vedea din nou, tot asa din intamplare, daca ma duc in centru, dar stiu ca chestiile astea sunt rare.

PLUS ca am vazut steagul natiunilor unite gay fluturand in vant inconjurat de marinari norvegieni adevarati (NU deghizati sau costumati), cu chipiute din alea cu panglica de marinari care cantau...culmea..chiar Yellow Submarine ! Cand v-am zis eu la toti ca eu de cate ori ies in oras aici parca sunt pe covorul femecat al lui Aladdin ! Si am mai mancat si un somon la cuptor cu lime cum n-am crezut eu ca poate sa existe vreoodata pe lume, si mie nici nu-mi place pestele prea mult, si era si cu piure de cartofi si branza de Gruyere de soricei din aia de desene animate misto !!!! Am mancat TOT TOT TOT imediat, asa de bun a fost !